Letting Go

IMG_8323[1]It has been awhile since I blogged.  First, because of vacation and Thanksgiving and then I have been super swamped at work.

Last month was kind of rocky for me.  I was very anxious and I didn’t know how to handle how I was feeling but in the last few days, I managed to pick myself up again.  I started to remember what was important to me, well maybe not what’s important but rather what makes rational sense.

I have had all these fears about trust, betrayal, liars, failure, invasion, etc. and for what?  The fear only holds me back from moving on.  Trust is a big issue for me and it’s really something that I need to dismiss.  I can still be myself and be good to people and I shouldn’t have to worry or fear their betrayal because if they lie, cheat or damage the trust that is fine and do you know why?  The reason is at the end of the day, I will still have me. I will still be the person I was and the person I am.  Knowing that I did my best in whatever type of relationship I have whether it be friends, family or romance, I will know that I gave my best, I was honest and I didn’t hurt anyone.

The bottom line is that fear is a wasted emotion.  Rather than being an emotion it’s a thought that manifests into action by taking away action.  Fear has held me back for so many years in many aspects of my life and I am ready to let it go.  I am not going to worry or jeopardize my future because I am afraid of losing, missing, or getting hurt.

If you hurt me, the joke is on you.  Hurting me only shows pain in your reflection.  Lying to me, cheating me, that isn’t going to hurt me, it will hurt you because at the end, you will have lost the person who didn’t do those things to you and I will have the lost the person who did.  I think I win that battle.

I also realized that there are no mistakes.  There are only observers who judge us.  My so-called mistake may be a blessing that only I can see or only you can see.  Life still goes on.  Nothing in life is that detrimental (besides death related choices) that it can’t be fixed or handled or dealt with on a new path.  Just because you aren’t on the road you set out to travel on, doesn’t mean your destination isn’t where you are supposed to be.  Everything we do leading up to this moment hasn’t been made in vain.  If the oxygen is still running through our bodies and we wake up another day, whatever judgement that was passed on us yesterday has been released because we are still alive to do better.

I am not going to let anyone hurt me anymore.  I am not going to be defeated anymore. That doesn’t mean I am fighting the fight, it just means that I am not going entertain the observers.  I am going to do the best I can with what I have and love my final destination because it is my journey and I chose it myself whether it was consciously or not.

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To Say A Few Words, If I May…

When my little Italian family gets together for the holidays, there are two ways it can go.

  • Laugh until we are crying    OR
  • Fighting until I am leaving.

So this Thanksgiving, obviously I was a little concerned about how it would go.  Turns out, “thankfully”, I didn’t have to worry.  We laughed the entire day!  Don’t get me wrong, families at any given moment can be super annoying and there were those times during the course of the day but overall, it was a good day.

With that said, let me provide you with a Thanksgiving Glossary of 2011.

  1. Glumpy – A description given to an Apple Pie that has risen a bit high in certain spots.  That apple pie looks really glumpy, right?  [Creator of Many words – my dad]
  2. Bake Chef – Another name for a Baker or Pastry Chef.  Yea, Nicole might bring some cookies over later, her cousin is a bake chef and he makes all that “shit”. [my brother]
  3. Shwee-ah-del – A cookie that my dad cannot pronounce at all and my brother will say with conviction even though it is completely incorrect. You know, the Swee-ah-del. [dad and brother]
  4. Chalking – Most commonly know as talking but when you have food in your mouth, making fun of someone (me) who just choked on an olive because she was talking with food in her mouth, it may sound like this:  That’s what happens when you’re chalking with your mouthful.” [brother]

The list definitely goes on but at the moment, the words escape me.

Technology vs. Transportation

Today is Thanksgiving Eve and I am most thankful for being off for the next four days!  So today, getting up for work wasn’t so bad because I knew I just have to make it until 5pm.

I’m waiting for the Express bus and it is raining.  It’s okay, I have a four-day weekend ahead of me.  I am talking to my aunt on my cell as I do every morning on the way to work.  It’s the only time we really have to speak and she lives far far away.

I get on the bus and I talk pretty low because I know that people are so cranky in the morning and I only stay on for like 10 minutes out of the hour ride so up until now, it has never been a big deal.  This guy sits next to me and almost immediately he is tapping me on my arm and throwing a “Yo” my way.  (I hate when anyone touches me, let alone a cranky stranger).

I laughed in my head and obviously continued my conversation because after all, we were both using “Public Transportation” and this is not his bedroom.

And if it was…

Then I would totally understand his frustration and raise the bigger question as to why I was in this stranger’s bedroom to begin with.

But seriously, there is definitely a way to approach someone and it is  not touching someone without permission and throwing “yo” at me before 7am in the morning.  Still I wasn’t going to let it get me down!

Because after all, tomorrow begins a four-day weekend!  Nothing is taking that joy away from me, not even you, cranky man!

Good Day 🙂