Letting Go

IMG_8323[1]It has been awhile since I blogged.  First, because of vacation and Thanksgiving and then I have been super swamped at work.

Last month was kind of rocky for me.  I was very anxious and I didn’t know how to handle how I was feeling but in the last few days, I managed to pick myself up again.  I started to remember what was important to me, well maybe not what’s important but rather what makes rational sense.

I have had all these fears about trust, betrayal, liars, failure, invasion, etc. and for what?  The fear only holds me back from moving on.  Trust is a big issue for me and it’s really something that I need to dismiss.  I can still be myself and be good to people and I shouldn’t have to worry or fear their betrayal because if they lie, cheat or damage the trust that is fine and do you know why?  The reason is at the end of the day, I will still have me. I will still be the person I was and the person I am.  Knowing that I did my best in whatever type of relationship I have whether it be friends, family or romance, I will know that I gave my best, I was honest and I didn’t hurt anyone.

The bottom line is that fear is a wasted emotion.  Rather than being an emotion it’s a thought that manifests into action by taking away action.  Fear has held me back for so many years in many aspects of my life and I am ready to let it go.  I am not going to worry or jeopardize my future because I am afraid of losing, missing, or getting hurt.

If you hurt me, the joke is on you.  Hurting me only shows pain in your reflection.  Lying to me, cheating me, that isn’t going to hurt me, it will hurt you because at the end, you will have lost the person who didn’t do those things to you and I will have the lost the person who did.  I think I win that battle.

I also realized that there are no mistakes.  There are only observers who judge us.  My so-called mistake may be a blessing that only I can see or only you can see.  Life still goes on.  Nothing in life is that detrimental (besides death related choices) that it can’t be fixed or handled or dealt with on a new path.  Just because you aren’t on the road you set out to travel on, doesn’t mean your destination isn’t where you are supposed to be.  Everything we do leading up to this moment hasn’t been made in vain.  If the oxygen is still running through our bodies and we wake up another day, whatever judgement that was passed on us yesterday has been released because we are still alive to do better.

I am not going to let anyone hurt me anymore.  I am not going to be defeated anymore. That doesn’t mean I am fighting the fight, it just means that I am not going entertain the observers.  I am going to do the best I can with what I have and love my final destination because it is my journey and I chose it myself whether it was consciously or not.

Cruella Deville [Daily Prompt: Wicked Witch]

Write about evil: how you understand it (or don’t), what you think it means, or a way it’s manifested, either in the world at large or in your life.  Photographers, artists, poets: show us EVIL.

via Daily Prompt: Wicked Witch.

I used to believe in the innocence we all possessed and how pure we all could be.  A long, long time ago.  If you assumed it was in my adolescence, you would be correct.

As you grow older and you experience how much pain can be construed, all those beliefs you had a child seems like a far away in the distance fictional memory.

I don’t know if I understand evil in the sense that I know why it even has to exist, seriously but I have seen what it can do.  It isn’t the physical world that possesses it either.  People are mean.  They show us evil.  They are the examples that not even words can describe.

There are different evils too.  Some worse than others but all the same if you are participating in an action that hurts someone somewhere.  To me, evil is its least lethal form is just simply taking advantage of another person.  Looking at a person who has let their guard down and opened their soul to you.  Taking that precious gift without appreciation and diminishing it by your own selfish agenda.  That to me is evil.

No one likes an anti-bacterial, anti-itch spray on an open flesh wound.  And I say that because, when you open your heart to someone and you let your guard down, your heart is, figuratively speaking, exposed.  When someone hurts you deliberately or not even deliberately but takes that exposure for granted it burns, it stings and it makes you feel like the world is an evil place, in turn, stitching up your heart with a thicker thread.

Then of course, there are the people who kill, hurt children, adults, steal, lie, and cheat.  And the other evils that are considered more natural such as natural disasters, sickness and to some people, death.  I do believe all of what is here in this world has been created by us in some way, in some form and maybe not right now but over time.

So remember the world isn’t an evil place, it is you and I who can’t learn to love each other more than we love ourselves and until then, evil will grow until we destroy ourselves.  It won’t be the world’s fault.  It will be ours.

Trains and Planes and Automobiles, Oh My! [Daily Prompt: Trains, Planes, and Automobiles]

Daily Prompt: Trains, Planes, and Automobiles.

You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, or car? (Or something else entirely — bike? Hot air balloon?)

Photographers, artists, poets: show us TRAVEL.

If I was traveling cross-country, my initial thought would to take a road trip!  After thinking about all those hours in a car, I would decide that a plane would be a better choice.

plane-31_1261755576 pearl

I do not travel a lot at all but I would like to and if I had more knowledge, I think I would definitely take one of those trains I always see in the movies that have the private cabins and cute little restaurants with the most beautiful views of sky and mountains.

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Most importantly, no matter how I travel, I pray for safe travels.