Flip of a Two-Sided Coin

We all have an internal monologue telling our stories to ourselves, correcting our wrongs, criticizing, obsessing, congratulating and victimizing all the moments of our lives.  No one ever said life would be easy, or is that too cliché? Regardless of what we have been told, how life is, was and should be, it doesn’t make an inch of difference because we are the variable that is unpredictable in a very predictable world.  The sun rises, it sets, winter comes and it goes, flowers bloom and they die but we are the change in the world.  Forever changing what we do, who we are, who we become, where we go, etc.

How many times has the human brain asked, “Why are we here?  What is the purpose?”  Some say there is no purpose, that life is something that we just live out.  Others say that we are meant for bigger and better things, to make a difference, to leave a mark, to be a legend or a hero.  The truth is, there is no truth.  Each and every one of us are guessing why we are here and readily follow along the path of those have left behind us to follow.  Blindly, we trust the direction in which we are told to go and live out all those things that don’t make us happy but believe that it is how it should be.  And why?  Because by the unanimous decisions of humans that lived before us, we believe that if that is the way they decided to live and see the world then we must follow because it must be correct.  After all, everyone else is doing it.

We are born, we are taught, we are molded into the people our parents and our family members before us believe to be the “right” way.  The model human being.  Not in all cases, everything has its exceptions.  We see those exceptions everyday on the news, in the papers and in our lives but generally speaking.  We follow, follow, follow even if we don’t believe, we rebel but still a part of us follows the guides left behind from generations before in some way, in some form because at the end of the day, it is comfortable to know the outcome of at least one thing.

As I speak about “we”, I think about “I”.  I have my own point of view based on the experiences that I have had and the trials I have faced.  Staring shades of dark and light throughout my life and wondering why it has effected me the way it has when it seems like every minute that has passed is no longer in existence.  Did it ever really happen?  The mind is an open playground, we can choose to forget, train ourselves to erase yesterday or we can let the past completely dictate our futures.

What does the past and our personal experience have to do with following herds before us?  One common denominator asks the same question, “Why?”  What does our past mean? Why do we follow the course of life?  What keeps us going?  Family, love, money, success?  Even so, when you achieve all or some of those few things I have mentioned, then what?  We don’t know what really happens when it is over but guys, it ends.  Is it really solely based on enjoying the moment to moment?  Then why do we spend our moments miserable?  We work our lives and time away to make money to sustain life that we aren’t satisfied with.  We work towards an idea we are given or sold to believe will make life much better but hardly enjoy the time it takes to get there. We force people to commit and confine themselves to one person and tell them to trust despite the variables of deceit, individuality, selfish nature, temptation, self-worth, insecurity, ego, and other valid human attributes.  Should I apologize for not understanding?  Or maybe I am ignorant and just don’t see what needs to be seen.  It is easier to believe this all makes perfect sense when you haven’t really experienced the flip of a two-sided coin.

I keep waiting while I think if an answer will come to me that makes the most sense as to why we are here, what does it mean or how it could just mean nothing at all.  It hasn’t come to me, I want to believe I am going to figure it out but it seems there are so many questions that are left unanswered whether it is because it is well hidden or we don’t have the capacity or the ability to understand the answer.

As the current generation, we tend to think, we would be better off living during simpler times, years before but we should remember the problems then were equally as challenging just different in its nature.  There wasn’t a simpler time.  Humans have always had to face adversity and discover ways to overcome obstacles that would cause worry and fear.  Issues are just different now but affect us in those same ways.  Anxiety, depression, mental health issues, fears, clinical terms for every emotion that doesn’t keep us happy and moving forward on this straight line, have always existed because we are not living the life we were intended to live.  We are living for tangible, material things to satisfy this void that we are all missing.  Don’t you see the most successful people, who have achieved their goals, their dreams, somehow, someway are either dying inside or ultimately come to the end of their days far too soon for someone who has everything we think we could ever want?  We are missing the key to life.  The one that releases us from the chains of society.  The key that liberates us all from the conformity led by generations before us.

I need to understand what this is about.  I need to know why.  The longer I don’t find a valid reason, the more hope I lose in the fight.  I can’t be told that the sole reason for existence is just to appreciate it.  Although, I do, I want to know why.  I want to understand that the reason I feel like a hamster on a wheel is out there and will provide some peace.

I do the same things every day, as most do.  We wake up, travel to our place of work, put in a day’s work and sell our time to someone smarter and more successful and finish our days with friends, family or alone, doing what’s necessary to stay alive, be entertained or just feel rested.  We do some version of this every day and even those who are more successful and don’t have to work, spend their time routinely doing things that they may not want to do to appease someone or something else and the wheel keeps spinning.

We have the fortunate and the less fortunate, we have different problems, worries and fears.  Different wishes, goals and prayers.  But we have to admit we all them and are we a deserving species of the good and the bad?   What constitutes us to have the right to deserve or not deserve?  There are so many loopholes here, I think that would be best to dissect in a post of its own.

My point is, “what is my point?”

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