Last month was kind of rocky for me. I was very anxious and I didn’t know how to handle how I was feeling but in the last few days, I managed to pick myself up again. I started to remember what was important to me, well maybe not what’s important but rather what makes rational sense.
I have had all these fears about trust, betrayal, liars, failure, invasion, etc. and for what? The fear only holds me back from moving on. Trust is a big issue for me and it’s really something that I need to dismiss. I can still be myself and be good to people and I shouldn’t have to worry or fear their betrayal because if they lie, cheat or damage the trust that is fine and do you know why? The reason is at the end of the day, I will still have me. I will still be the person I was and the person I am. Knowing that I did my best in whatever type of relationship I have whether it be friends, family or romance, I will know that I gave my best, I was honest and I didn’t hurt anyone.
The bottom line is that fear is a wasted emotion. Rather than being an emotion it’s a thought that manifests into action by taking away action. Fear has held me back for so many years in many aspects of my life and I am ready to let it go. I am not going to worry or jeopardize my future because I am afraid of losing, missing, or getting hurt.
If you hurt me, the joke is on you. Hurting me only shows pain in your reflection. Lying to me, cheating me, that isn’t going to hurt me, it will hurt you because at the end, you will have lost the person who didn’t do those things to you and I will have the lost the person who did. I think I win that battle.
I also realized that there are no mistakes. There are only observers who judge us. My so-called mistake may be a blessing that only I can see or only you can see. Life still goes on. Nothing in life is that detrimental (besides death related choices) that it can’t be fixed or handled or dealt with on a new path. Just because you aren’t on the road you set out to travel on, doesn’t mean your destination isn’t where you are supposed to be. Everything we do leading up to this moment hasn’t been made in vain. If the oxygen is still running through our bodies and we wake up another day, whatever judgement that was passed on us yesterday has been released because we are still alive to do better.
I am not going to let anyone hurt me anymore. I am not going to be defeated anymore. That doesn’t mean I am fighting the fight, it just means that I am not going entertain the observers. I am going to do the best I can with what I have and love my final destination because it is my journey and I chose it myself whether it was consciously or not.