“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends – they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything – they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them – actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soulmate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.” ― Marilyn Monroe
I find this quote to be very reassuring, especially the way I have been feeling about all my relationships and life lately. I have become so weary of the girls who have been my “friends”. As Marilyn said, “…just remember, some come, some go” and I guess I forgot. Relationships with anyone whether it be with a man or a woman, with a lover or a friend, it is rough. You never really know why someone stays in contact with you. Do they have a reason besides enjoying your company or enjoying your presence? Why does one become a close friend? Can you blame it on routine or habit? Boredom? Are people sincere anymore with their gestures? And most importantly, do I over think it or do you under think it?
Eh, I guess it is quite a lot of effort to even ask these questions why but for me, I pay attention to detail. Why else are we here if not to understand the breakdown of every aspect in life? Break it down, analyze it and do it again in a different way. Try out every possibility and find the best result. Sometimes I feel like we occupy our minds with technology and devices, feeling that it is more important than concentrating on the relationships we have in our lives and maybe that is why we have a majority of toxic ones. I find life to be special and not something that we should take advantage of and with saying that, doesn’t mean I don’t take advantage of it but it would be nice to be more conscious of that so I didn’t.
“…because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.” Marilyn was right, there is so much in this world to be smiling about, so why don’t we? There is always something to stress about but there was always something to be thankful for so why does the stress outweigh the smiles?
I guess I am just going through something emotionally right now and I am questioning all my relationships and the individuals’ loyalty and motives. My past definitely plays into my present but at some point the past has to disappear and the present has to develop as if there was nothing to compare it too.
I have never in my heart considered another female, a best friend. Yes, I had long time friends and good friends but never considered them to be known as a “best friend”. I know it is because I was teased and bullied a lot growing up by the other girls in my neighborhood and it never really left my mind. Girls just never liked me, maybe I was different, I am really not sure why and if I were to ask one of them now, they wouldn’t even remember how mean they were to me because to them, I am sure it was insignificant but to me, it hurt. It is painful to have “friends” that you trust turn on you, make you feel bad about yourself, your appearance and make you feel outnumbered and alone. That does stay with you and determine how you interact with people from then on. I never made fun of someone, I never pulled the pranks and I never participated in deliberately making someone feel bad about themselves yet I never had a friend for very long because they always liked someone else better. I became numb to it for a long time and always kept the women in my life at a distance but eventually, a few crept back in. Unfortunately, I find myself not knowing how to handle it and how to maintain it. I also find that not much has really changed since I was a kid all the years ago but I must remember to change my approach.
So, yes, girls come and they go, I remember now and it still makes me anxious and it still makes me sad.