I am not sure if this should be considered the first time I had experienced a true message from God but it was one that I remember and had a huge impact on my faith and life.
One Sunday morning in January of 2012, I attended church at the Brooklyn Tabernacle. I had not been to the service in close to a year but my boyfriend and I were going through a difficult time and we decided to attend. I had been praying and searching for answers leading up to that morning, concerning my relationship and what I should do because it was becoming unhealthy. I was torn.
We sat arm in arm in the balcony section and the service began. The chorus was praising God, singing, rejoicing and it felt nice to be in the presence of religion and spirituality. Towards the final hour of the service, the Pastor began to read a passage from the Bible and relate it to our everyday lives. Show us the messages imbedded in the text.
Pastor proceeded to speak of his interpretations of the passage when he pointed up at the balcony. He preached and looked up high, “There is a woman sitting here today, a woman in the balcony and you have come today for some answers! This situation you are, this relationship you are unsure of, you must let it go. You have been praying and searching to do what is right and although you are helping someone else, you are hurting yourself and it has become unhealthy for you. God knows this has been difficult but you have to leave this all behind you”, etc., etc.
The tears poured out of my eyes, ran down my face, I couldn’t even control it. I though to myself, ‘He was talking to me’. Even if he wasn’t, he was. I hid my crying eyes and wet face in my boyfriend’s shoulder. He knew what I had heard, he had heard it as well. It was an obvious message. I had been called out by God. I cried for the remainder of the service. I knew what eventually had to be done. At that time, I wanted there to be an alternate way, an option that catered to what I wanted to happen not what was inevitable. I think that was why I cried even more because I didn’t want to let go of this relationship that I struggled so hard to keep for 2+ years. I wanted all my efforts and hard work to have paid off and I wanted my happy ending.
We went home that day, hardly had time to talk about it. We either remained quiet or just spoke of a different subject. He had to work an overnight shift so I was left alone with my thoughts. I was in complete awe of what had happened. How a message could be so clear and concise. The next day, my boyfriend sat at the table and he started to cry. He said the thought of losing me hurt him so much. He explained that when he worked the overnight shift, he had to constantly go into a private room to cry from the thought that he couldn’t be with me anymore. He told me that he knew that I heard the same message and he knew that God was being clear to both him and I. He just didn’t want to face it. He didn’t want to listen. He spoke for hours about how it made him feel and then the conversation ended. He never asked me how I felt. He never asked me how I interpreted it or what was to be. Maybe he was afraid, maybe he didn’t care.
Another painful, struggling 9 months would pass that year and everyday I would be reminded of what I heard by how unhappy I was and how much harder the days had become. And then I had my moment, where I listened to what I was told and I ended that relationship. If was difficult but it wasn’t hard. He understood. He knew it was time. He knew that the message we had heard had been written in the stars and it was just a matter of time. The clouds dissipated and the sun came shining through again. I was better for it.
For almost 3 years of my life, I was conflicted and tried to fix a life that wasn’t my own at the expense of mentally and physically hurting myself. I did all I could do for him but it was time to focus on my health and my well-being. It was time to listen to God. I took that leap in good faith, reaped the reward and I am better for it.