Five months have passed and she doesn’t remember what has happened in between. She sleeps at night only to dream about everything that will or has occurred in her consciousness. Her eyes are so tired and her head hangs low as he moves blistfully through his daily routine.
She used to look at him as he slept, she would get ready for the day and he would lie there hugging his pillow. Now there is no time for sleep. They have been running through minutes, hours, days, weeks and now months. There is never a dull moment anymore.
She handles things, differently.
She runs to catch her bus in the morning. Finds an empty seat and stares out into the world. A world of restrictions and limitations. Limit lines that she has created for herself. She has imprisoned herself to life with boundaries. Has she given up? She believes that she will get better. Only time will tell. She stares. Her mind drifts. She wonders how she can look off into the distance and disappear into a memory or her thoughts of the future, the past or how uncomfortable the bus seats really are. Her views are jaded, its been really gloomy on and off the forecast.
She listens to the music on her phone, lyrics like, “I’m never alone, I’m alone all the time” sung by Bush, really stay with her. That’s exactly how she feels. It has always been the case. Riding along of the winding road of contradictions.
Her thoughts pace back and forth from one ear to the other. It has never been a better time to “catch the hurt and drop it down before it smacks her in the face.” [J.E.L.L.I.]
She needs to start thinking about her “bullet points” [Mattoos] again. Wake up and do what is best for her. Those should be her bullet points to live by, to die for but only time will tell.