Dirty Laundry

She tries not to think about the events that had recently took place, they have already wasted too much time.  So, she listens to tunes from Frank Sinatra, it reminds her of the good times in her childhood.  Her father would listen to the sounds of Sinatra on summer nights and it reminded her when she had a family.  A real family.  One where there was a mother and a father, where the lines of parents and children weren’t blurred.  Not to say, family life was perfect but there was a structure and dynamic, somewhat of a normal reality.  Her parents where always on opposite ends of the spectrum but she saw her parents, together.  Those are the only memories of a family she has, ones that she will hold onto forever.  Now her family is modified and the feelings for her family are modified.  She harbors guilt and responsibility for the family she has left but fear prevents her to deal with them or handle what she feels so she hides, only doing the bare minimum.  Regret will follow.

Once again, she engages in her morning routine.  She looks at this man she loves so deeply as he sleeps.  He is so peaceful in the night.  No one to play tug of war with his limbs.

She feels so many different emotions lately and she really prefers not to feel anything at all at this point.  She envies those who can just go with the flow and never worry about consequences.  She would prefer to leave her memories and her sadness on clothes pins outside the window and let the wind wisp them away but that seems to be an impossible reality.  She will continue to find new ways to fix herself and hand wash her sorrows until they are clean to hold her over for a few days until new dirt sets in.

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