Better to Be Productive…

It is really dark in New York City right now.  Pouring rain and a touch of thunder while I sit on the 37th floor of my building.  Working until 5pm and then home, to relax, I need it.  Today was a productive day, I got a lot of things done.  Life always feels so much better when you are productive.  I need to have a purpose, that really brings me to life.

I want to do something great in my life, do the best I can at everything I do and live my life to the fullest but that doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone.  I want to add as much value to the world, I want to write books, I want to talk to people, I want to give advice, share my stories and my history.  There are people out there who have stories and histories from their past that aren’t as bad as others but to them it means something whether it be positive or negative and I want to relate to them and I want them to relate to me.

I’ve been in relationshits and relationships.  I’ve been cheated on, lied to, physically and mentally abused but I took those experiences and I said to myself, “You won’t let those moments define you.  Learn from it and if you can’t do it on your own, read a book, ask somebody, do some research.”  If you want to get a A+ in school, you work hard, you do your research, well, I want to get an A+ at this life, because life is a test.   You are given tools, talents and resources big or small and it is what you do with these things that define you, that fulfill you , that determine who you are, not what you have or what society wants you to believe.  I know I will get there and I know you will too.

Everyday is a learning experience and I take every minute in, use these moments to build your own empire.  Your life is your empire.  In a game, you can start off with 1 million dollars and use it to make something for yourself better, why not take the tools and talents and do the same.

@bethenny frankel

I read, “A Place of Yes” by Bethenny Frankel recently.  I must say I really enjoyed it.  I told a few people, I was reading it and their first reaction was, “Why are you reading that? Who is Bethenny?  All she did was make a margarita.”  Until I explain that she is highly motivated and very successful, giving hope to younger generations of women to conquer their trials and tribulations that try to stop them from working to their highest potential.

The book talks about her specific experiences in her life and how she has used 10 steps to get over her past, be productive in her present and make a very successful future.  She touches on her childhood, past relationships and her relationships now and how her relationships were all interconnected and ended in the same result due to her upbringing.  She also touches on career choices, attitudes towards her choices and how she made the decisions she made.

As a young woman myself, reading this book, I didn’t want it to end.  I was so motivated while reading it, I wanted to hold on to those last few pages forever and I did hold off reading the last chapter for 2 weeks, so keep it going as long as I could.  I am sure some people look at this book and say, “A Real Housewife of NYC?” and I wouldn’t blame them, after seeing some of the books that some of the cast members have written or said they wrote.  I have seen the show and I have watched Bethenny Frankel’s spin-off on Bravo TV.  And I will say, Bethenny is not like the other “reality” stars because her life is captivated on-screen and it isn’t all hair and make up.  She was in labor for GOSH SAKES and her face/jaw was so swollen, I know that wasn’t added for the audience.  Sorry Bethenny, you would have said it too.

I am only a viewer, this is all based on my opinions.  I think Bethenny has done something that most other reality stars that I know of haven’t done.  Inspired and motivated the audience to live to their potential.  Showing us that any Joe Shmoe, Jane Doe, can achieve success even if our parents sucked, we were broke and had nothing.  I guess she gives us a sense of hope.  Well me anyway.  I have so many dreams and until reading this book, I thought they were only dreams.  I mean I live in one of the greatest cities in the world.  NYC.  There is no reason why I can’t add value to this world.

I think it is admirable for someone who is “famous” to maintain themselves in the process and continuously add value to the world and make money at the same time.

I know that Bethenny will probably never see this blog, but if she happens to, I would like to thank you for inspiring me.  This morning, I didn’t want to breathe another breath and I live with constant disappointment, until I remembered to Break the Chain and come from A Place of Yes.

If you ever create a magazine catered to women’s health, relationship stories and childhood stories so that other people like us can relate, find me and I will write for you.  I have so many stories and so much to offer.  I am a starving writer waiting for a break and like you I am going to make it… BIG.

Stroll in NYC

A woman sighs as she waits on line in the hotel lobby, a driver sits in the all black Cadillac Escalade that she requested with her luggage gracefully placed in the backseat next to her Chihuahua, Coco.  Random name brand suits walk up and down the streets and avenues, faceless and emotionless.  Black striped or polka doted yellow cabs squeeze between street lines and honk their horns to wake you up as you  walk like a  Zombie on your way to your 9-5, 8-5, 8-6, 8-8 corporate job.  Smell of bacon with eggs and last night’s dinner mixed in,  slowly floats through the smokey cigarette breath of the guy walking in front of you.  As a 7am jogger hits her shoulder in to your gigantic bag, that you have packed your whole life into, just in case.  You’re annoyed to be disturbed but too exhausted to acknowledge it.  “Don’t Walk” and “Walk” signs are already enough reading for the morning but you still have a few blocks to go.  You were your sneakers on the streets and your Stilettos are actually in the second bag you are carrying. There is steam rising up from the man holes, which literally sounds no different from an ex-boyfriend you once had.  Your stomach is growling and you are not sure if it is hunger or if it’s pissed off that you basically just spent 7.95 for a water and a muffin.  You grab your Building ID for your office and as you say good morning to the security guy that you see every single day, he pretends he didn’t hear you and you just keep walking towards the elevator, praying that no one else will be joining you.

This is New York City.

Foggy Day

There is a very thick fog stretching across the sky of New York City.  I am working on the 37th floor of a building and when I look outside the window, I see nothing.  Wouldn’t it be nice to sleep on a cloud, if a cloud was made of marshmallows?  I don’t like marshmallows but I would imagine they would be soft and cuddly.

It is Friday.  The weekend is just too fast.  By the time I get home tonight, its already tomorrow and then the next day is already Sunday.  Why can’t we have 4 ten hour days and 3 days off.  I don’t think that’s unreasonable but it won’t happen here in the States.  :\ It is what it is, it was and will be.  I suppose.

Do you ever ask yourself, why didn’t I think of that?  I have all these ideas and they don’t seem to attract anyone.  How will I get people to read my blog, understand my poetry and appreciate my effort to try to appeal to the masses?  I don’t need acceptance but I would like to inspire someone as I have been inspired.  For example, 999rooms.org inspired me to sign up for wordpress.com because that site produced a great concept for writing about 999 rooms.  Why didn’t I think of that?  Simplistic yet so clever.   I hope with writing blogs a good idea will come to me.  An original idea.

I think I may have an idea.  Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.  I will let it marinate.

I sing in the car.  Really loud.  I love to sing and dance.  Always would sing and dance at BBQs and block parties.  I was never shy about showing off.  Not your typical emo writer although my poems are pretty dark.

Tap Water

Dreary days lie to your face, they are ahead of you, they are behind you or they are giving you  a flat tire shoe.  What happens when you don’t make any sense?  What if I just write random things as they shoot out of my brain and travel vigorously through my veins, spilling out of my fingertips without filtering the lead out?  Raw words coming out of the tap.

The link “move to trash” keeps staring at me and I keep looking at my reflection to see if there is an eyelash on my face or something worse.

Writing is probably my most favorite skill that I have ever used.  No matter what, no matter where I am, I can do it, even if there is no topic at hand.  Like today, I will just write random thoughts, because if you really think about it, you are thinking every second of your life, about anything, about nothing, but your mind is constantly going, going, going and for a writer or any creative person, it goes literally until it’s gone.  So why would writing random thoughts down or typing them rather, although I prefer with all hands down, the pen to paper.  I love how ink glides.  I digress.  So writing random thoughts may not make sense, may not coincide, may be everything your interested in or nothing you would want to read.

I am a poet.  I write poetry.  I don’t read poetry nearly as much as I should considering it is a great passion of mine.  I write about truth, I interpret your pain into words.  I go inside your feelings and I spew them out into words for other people to experience.  Maybe to warn, maybe to enlighten, and maybe to just see truth.

I don’t like fiction.  I don’t like fantasy.  Unless fiction has an underlying truth.  I am driven by honesty.  I want to be honest.  I want to be real, even when I’m fake.  I respect truth even if it is wrapped up in a gut wrenching package and postmarked in blood.  Which means and goes with out even saying…I hate dishonesty.  I don’t hate fiction.  I don’t hate creativity.  There is a difference.  I prefer not to read or write fiction as a personal choice but I think it comes with great skill to create fiction.  Maybe it is because I feel I haven’t tried or mastered that skill so I do not prefer to venture into it.  Maybe my childhood experiences molded me into not wanting to  fantasize about things I can not have or people I will never know.

I have never had a “celebrity crush”, I am probably not the biggest fan of celebrities today.  I am a fan of raw talent and admire people who use their talents to add value in this world.  Artists.  In the form of any God-given gift.  I hope that I can use the skills I possess to add value and inspiration to those who see passed all the nonsense.

I don’t have cable or basic television.  In almost 2 years, and every time I say this to someone, “wow, that’s weird!  what do you do then?”  is the response I get.  I hope there are other people out there who read this blog and can understand where I am coming from when I say, whatever is currently on television, is shit.  Yes, there are few exceptions but for the amount of channels that people pay for, there is nothing worth wasting my time for when I could be using my skills towards something greater.

Please excuse my grammatical errors, I am still a product of this technology based century and I am from New York.